A Good Day for Truth

“We are targeted by narcissists because we have everything that is beautiful and human. We can feel true joy and sadness. They want to live through us, and end up killing us. But we will rise, and we will be stronger and wiser...This is the life lesson.” – Dzana, Survivor from Stockholm. It is a terrible shame that there are so many narcissistic abusers out there waiting to destroy another's life. They try to be covert in insidious in their methods of controlling others, hiding their true self from the world instead, showing a charismatic person. Because of this, many times the narcissistic person is able to withstand being held accountable for their actions, in their sickness, they do not realize that they will be held accountable, I often wonder if they truly believe in an afterlife at all. These types of people have contempt for others because they want to show their power, strength, and false superiority over other people. I have se4en for myself how my aunt, uncle, and cousins, try to rewrite history, twist it in a way to only make them look the hero, the "good ones" the "smart ones" etc all the while putting everyone else down through their "fake" degrading pictures, their crude/crass jokes, their debasing nicknames for anyone who steps in their path, they did anything they could to smear others to bring themselves up. Nothing was out of bounds for these people, they made fun of appearances, smarts, skills, insecurities, someone was trying to acquire if someone was trying to make a change for the better they did their part to bring them down. These people have always hidden behind jokes that are in fact verbal abuse... I remember a time when a member of my family had a high religious achievement, and one of my cousins made a remark that was not only false but degrading. They did it to hide their own shortcomings, their jealousy, their envyings. Later their jealousy would become hatred towards those family members who don't sink to their level and know the truth about them. The biggest things these people try to go after character and reputation so that others don't believe that any type of harassment or bullying is going on. They will do what they can to blameshift and portray their spitefulness onto the other person to make that other person look like the "crazy" one. For example, my cousin doesn't believe that my family should be able to grieve over my other cousin's death. This cousin used this exact strategy, putting down/making fun/bullying all the while screaming that they are the victim. Then this cousin proceeded to make fun and project their traits onto those whom they wanted to be seen as "crazy." A clear case of a true narcissist, trying to project their failings and pathology onto those whom they target. It has been said that narcissistic people may have experienced a traumatic event in their childhood, this could be the case with my uncle who watched his dad beat a dog to death in front of him...However, research states that not all who suffer from a traumatic experience become narcissists. It is a conscious choice little by little instead of turning away from anger, envy etc, they embrace it until it becomes who they are. They lose the ability to empathize with others, they gain an insatiable desire for the need to be validated and to exterminate anyone they see as a threat to their carefully sugared house of cards. Research shows that not all narcissistically toxic people are successful, they do not always live up expectations they had set or to what they believe they should have achieved in this life. Even though these people are not leaders, they still put on an imposing pompous appearance to hide what they perceive as feelings of failure. Normal people experience failures in their life but because they are not built upon false personas, the normal person is able to live happily in spite of these challenges that come their way. For the normal person, making connections with others is important; for the narcissist, they feel and express revulsion and strong disapproval of any sign of affinity, rapport, or kindness. They perceive kindness, being nice, or showing any sign of love as a weakness. A toxic bully will choose to prey upon those who they believe portray these so-called "weakness." They would try to suck out the light and drag souls into their darkness. These family members do not realize that regardless of our perceived vulnerability, we will always show true strength for we experience empathy, we know charity, we have the ability to acquire and apply emotional knowledge, and because we are living according to our true self, we pose a threat to their flimsy egomania conceited selves. Narcissistic toxic family members try to convince those they put down that is something the normal person did as if it is the normal person's fault for being normal. Those who have wondered if "where there is smoke there is fire." The problem with that thought is where did the fire start, and who is adding gasoline to it? These people are not the victim even though they scream they are. My family has never gone out of our way to harm, threaten, slander any member of the family for the thrill or to continue to create contention. As normal people, we have tried to reconcile, we have apologized and asked for forgiveness to start paths of healing. Any attempt we have made has been brutally turned down, they willfully and knowingly make conscious choices and effort to keep this fantasy alive. "We will remain angry at you and your wicked family as long as..." Their claims are as outrageous as their attempts to "destroy" my family. They withhold forgiveness and cling to disillusioned, exaggerated wrongs, they smirk and fist bump when they have what they consider a "victory," which in fact is, only if they live to what they claim to believe, totally against what our church leaders preach and is only hurting themselves each time they lash out at those whom they target. While reading a book called "Becoming the Narcissist worst nightmare," by Shahida Arabi, I came to the realization that the situation my family is in is, in fact, Atypical of what narcissist do to nonnarcissistic people whom they target. My family has pleaded for compassion, for them to act kinder, to at least behave civilly. They choose to not take the feedback and apply it, instead my uncle continues to use passive-aggressive maliciousness. Trying to insert himself into any facet of my family's life as if he has some sick need to say "remember I am still here, don't forget about me." I wonder if my aunt and uncle have ever considered going on a mission for the religion we both believe in. Instead of expending time and energy on putting others down, they could be using that same energy to lift others and changing positively. I highly doubt they will, for I don't believe they will ever be able to own up to their actions, they would have to acknowledge that they have to let go of hatred, jealousy, envyings and many other toxic feelings they cling to. I believe they like to live in their darkness, they do not find joy in normal things, but rather in the things found in sewers and gutters. It is really a pathetic way to live, trying to always put others down to esteem themselves. How exhausting that must be. Any person who spends time making crude harsh jokes about squatting, smacking, hitting or anything in regards to putting another person down or trying to "destroy" another person, must have a toxic sickness. To spend that time putting another down shows true self, toxic and sick. No real man would ever put any woman down the way my uncle does. And since we cannot ask her and they are so adamant that their daughter was not excluded or shunned in any way, was she lying? Did she lie about her sister not speaking to her for months, did she lie about the things she said to us...maybe she did but maybe she didn't. We took her at her word. So he can continue in his feeble attempts to stop the truth from emerging, from trying to silence us from what we personally saw and heard, but the truth always comes out. This woman and her family are more powerful than anything they could ever imagine. Their daughter said it best "Love always wins" and love is what my family has.