A good day to talk about it

The thing about life is that it is ever-changing, ever-moving. We are not defined by one moment in time, but by many moments in time. Our thoughts become words, our words become actions and our actions become our character of who we are and who we will become. What we learn from our past helps us to dictate how we will move forward in the future. When people choose to put others down, make fun of their names by changing them into something grotesque, make fun of their religious beliefs and so forth, they start to tangle themselves inside a web. The quote that comes to mind, "Oh! What a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive" by Sir Walter Scott. That is is the beginning of becoming a toxic person if habits and thoughts are not changed. I often have thought about what could be done to close the rift with my aunt, uncle and cousins... my Grandma and I have discussed this conundrum a couple times, trying to figure out a solution. We have come to the conclusion that there is no solution and it is not on our end, but theirs. We apologized and they just scream "leave us alone" they stay in their bitterness unwilling to receive forgiveness and unwilling to give forgiveness (maybe it is their mental illness that runs in their family), they choose to be fake wounded, they choose to be fake victims, they choose to be offended, they choose to not seek a solution beyond total destruction of my family. For they have never presented any reconciliation solution, they have only continued to try to rewrite the past and push forward their "side," while ignoring everything else. Reconciliation cannot come to pass if one party is unwilling to take the hand that has been extended out to them. We talked at length about how if these family members felt so "offended", and felt so "wronged" why would they not want to tackle the issues head-on in a professional setting. Family counseling was suggested and declined, many times hands were extended as an olive branch but slapped away, apologies were made and rejected. My uncle even stated that simple contact=conflict...that is only their family and is only held to because they have turned toxic. They have finally been able to admit that mental illness runs in their family, but that does not excuse bad behavior. If the angry redhead cannot calm down then maybe the redhead needs to take an anger management course for their anger issues. They do not realize that the world does not revolve around them, sure I write my blog, but this blog is a way for me to heal and close a wound that will never be healed with them. Something that cannot be controlled by them, cannot dictate when I have grieved nor can they silence my perception of the events that have occurred within our family. They play both villain and victim at their whim, they play victim and say "we cut off all ties to toxic family members" but when pressed as to how these people are toxic, their rhetoric becomes circular rambling, they are the villain because they do not want the world to know what they have done, instead spinning tales of delusion. Interesting how they tout "gospel-centered homes," and yet there is such discord within their family. They "claim" that it is always the other people (neighbors, people who see the truth and stand up to their bullying etc) And they claim to again, "cut ties" with those whom they falsely claim are the toxic ones...but interestingly enough, they know the current events of those they claim to have no contact with and they continue to be judgemental, snide, rude, etc. They have "hidden" themselves (interesting at how guilty my aunt acted the day we visited like a kid who's been kicked out of school for writing lies about another...20/20 hindsight) when they took over Uncle Jim's finances and began their long game of ripping apart the family. I speak to my Grandma about it when she wants to; for it is her daughter and grandchildren after all... but other than that, I give them little or no thought, for how can I when my life is full and busy. I have no need to attack them for they attack themselves through their words and actions, they can continue to rip, attack, lash out in any way they can because what is good is, if not totally gone, on the current course is on its way to being gone. They choose to hold onto their false "grudges" their imagined "offenses." We have shocked them because we have remained happy even when they have thrown everything they could in their malice storm. We have always been happy and will continue to be happy. It is unfortunate because I never imagined that my family would come up with real-life villains, but we have, they have chosen to take on the role of villain. The villain never comes out the victor in the end that the world has shown and not only has the world shown it, but religion has shown it to be true as well.